Monday, April 14, 2014

new blog

Something Appropriate

Well, not really.. I was looking around peacefully at things and thinking of them going, well just sorta reminiscing on how perfect things are as far as they go in general .. other than a hyped past.  I need something to support myself .. before it all goes.


may or may not post

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I guess..

.. I was a bit inappropriate, sorry.

Is anyone upset at me?  Sorry.


If anyone is mad to read this.. I just guess I think I shouldn't be silent and that I've done some justifying in deciding what to post, maybe to regret later, but am getting better.


No one should be prowling me.


..Well, I don't like these annoying hair-graying messages.

Excuse me?

I find it a bit intruding to change my lifestyle because I forgot to record someone cuz I was having fun doing something else but under the influence it should be transmitted online.. just didn't make it, sorry..  Why are people from Pennsylvania being such prim snoots-and I like being called a snoot so I dunno what else to say..  All the singers I know are very accomplished people and have grudges on me via online following yet never speaking with me.

I am sorry, but I cannot do something like this to make it up to you.

How'd'you feel?

What do you think of other people not getting in trouble cuz you have no one that accepts you and you talked about the whole thing?  They just ride along giving insults to unpopular people or the outcasts.

My Belief

People who are married aren't there for anyone else.  I just am saying with all the cases I've seen and no one in particular.  That is not why I am not married, but it is 1 reason.  I might get married at middle age, but we also see people who don't, at all.  So, maybe not.. same with having kids then or without.  For me, at least..

Now, you know that someone you approve of would post something like this.  I just wanted to say I do not mean anyone in particular and am sorry it relates to something that came up that happened..  In fact, something else brought me to saying this, I think, but dunno.  I guess I've been holding back.


IMDb - Johnny Depp

Johnny Depp and Amber

What hit me was the fact that Vanessa seems to have relatively spent less of herself to him than Amber. Vanessa is indeed delightfully especially prim and proper but perhaps unsettling too for someone of his type of a deep nature!

It's hard to say when people are with so many people and do not act like they'd ever break up.

All in all, then, my opinion of him with Amber is that she's incredibly poised and essentially very nice.

I have a feeling Depp still has a relationship of friendship with Vanessa and wishes the public not to gossip about his Vanessa and perhaps even is wary about how Lily is exposed going online on Twitter and her now-private Blogger.

I do not know how Amber got Depp's attention so completely over other fans or girls exactly, but I do sense that we have to admit he's strict on us for it and will punish us for being jealous of his time and attention. I wish I could talk about this with someone. You know, if we do something like we don't act or look right, every thing he does can make us wonder about ourselves. I hope I've said it polite enough and avoided major bumps in the road.

F.y.i. I used to curse on my blog but not to harm people, just to be funny and when made very hurt, which was very often. I hope you all don't think I've turned into a bad person by going online when I was 20.. because I wasn't when I got on..

IMDb - Johnny Depp

Here's the material I erased..

I thought people were supposed to remain celibate and not have children unless they're a really settled person and not like an icon, which is more than what a priest can take. Me, I think that it would make people jealous, if I had kids with anyone and I am not looking for a bf.

It truly kindles a fire in me if everyone goes off and has kids and never talks to me. I'm there to support it, but it's not something I believe in. Kids today look so childish. Perhaps, they want a baby sooner to make people wanna touch them and help them, and so the kid has a young mom. I know that Spanish people for instance can maybe age more quickly, though, so around 20 for colored people I'm guessing. All else I know is the perfect year for someone born around 1960 to have kids is the ^spoiled^ year of 1997-8.

I wish to offer my congratulations.

It is eerily a mystery that people are having kids like this, Tim Burton, Johnny Depp. They are closed up. I cannot say their children are as good as the 1s we used to hear about. Kids today are just a mess. Compare them to adults.

Johnny Depp should not be having more children. He already has Jack Depp.

Nothing wrong with having a kid. I just know he is doing it to punish people. That's a sin.


•Let's try to look at it from the other point of view. He has to be with a girl other than Vanessa.
•They must engage as they are both American- 
•They must have a baby!

It'll be 1 more face and bundle of joy in the world, and it will be perfect!

You gotta be honest, but you gotta be appropriate ultimately at least.. I agree with you that he flops, but I don't mean it in a bad way..

I'm a bit freaked out that he's having a baby rather than tending to his family and fans.

And, so, the key element is Vanessa took less of him than Amber insofar as her age is concerned and the fact that he has not met most of his fans.

Does anyone feel like not being a fan of him, anymore? I still will follow.

Please discuss this important event.. Depp's new child!

So, my main point of interest was that I noticed Vanessa seemed to have taken less with Depp than Amber Heard. Johnny Depp was so kind to Amber in his older age to always be with her when she wants and to even just stay and marry and have a blessed child. It's more difficult to get along with someone that much younger, but he did it with a lot of dedication. His thing with Vanessa now has proved to be a fling of the past, if that's alright. I am a big fan of his 2 children he already has!

Edit: I am so happy! I just get the feeling Depp is strict about this, like he's holding something special in.. like we did something wrong? I didn't get a vibe otherwise. Can someone explain to me if this in any way is justified, things of that nature that go against you?

Vanessa, definitely! I like Amber, too, of course..

A New Turn

I don't know how I can possibly rectify past posts on Johnny Depp tonight.  I don't think we should get it out to make someone feel better when it's inappropriate.  I just feel that that's also why I'm not deleting my old posts, too.  I am just tired and hungry and don't know what.


I just get the feeling Ellen isn't perfect and so didn't just have a good time but went along with sinners and dug a hole to Hell LOL jk.


If someone is older and makes you cozy does not mean they have hypnosis over you.  I also am being annoyed or threatened that I deserve no one to have real feelings toward me and that after loving famous people so much in the end there's always a trap.  I don't mean meeting them but moreso just something that happens.

IMDb - Johnny Depp

Please discuss this important event.. Depp's new child!

So, my main point of interest was that I noticed Vanessa seemed to have taken less with Depp than Amber Heard. Johnny Depp was so kind to Amber in his older age to always be with her when she wants and to even just stay and marry and have a blessed child. It's more difficult to get along with someone that much younger, but he did it with a lot of dedication. His thing with Vanessa now has proved to be a fling of the past, if that's alright. I am a big fan of his 2 children he already has!


So, if you think you have nothing to do but deal with children you detest, you can't just do big things like date, marry, and have kids, just to annoy people.  Let's get it out and make sure that's not how things will be.  They probably wanna have a star.  It really doesn't work like that with the past failures.

I has spoken.

Johnny Depp and Ellen DeGeneres are not right over me.  I am right myself.  Johnny Depp isn't perfect to meet.  He gets in and analyzes you but doesn't do it right just so he can be popular and fit in.

Lazy Posters

*stroke* *stroke* *stroke*


You may read my posts on Johnny Depp.  Sorry they are not perfect, but I tried to say what I thought.. I don't have time nor knowledge on how else to now.  It would be such a bother to go back and edit what people already read, and as I went along I let up.  It just seems obvious they are partly doing it to punish people.  That's my main concern.  They will be a destructive, uptight force in the world.  I was good, and no one cared.  Johnny went off and to say it lighter than others ruined his career and direction.  Not something I wanna say to him but I mean no harm.  He ^altered his direction^.

Sunday, April 13, 2014

Summer Clothes Sample


link 1

link 2

JC Penney

link 3

link 4

link 5

link 6

link 7


Race under About Me


I will wear tanks in the summer.  BLEH.  I just got 3 Ts and 5 loungewear sets for @ $50 and $100, the later I got 1st.  In fact, I don't have them all yet and take things in to get hemmed, pants.

Chinese-Indonesians and the Ancient Indonesian-Taiwanese~! ;-]

Laissez les Bon Temps Roulez


Why would my dad say I'm in trouble with Ellen?  It was the noises as to the blog and otherwise outer pressure.  Why I cursed?  Well, obviously, I don't know, but I never did it to hurt people.  I mean not her.  Didn't go over the top.

I just feel it's rubbed in.  I am posting about it cuz it's like what?  In trouble with Ellen DeGeneres?  She's not a disciplinarian.

Another Week

I get to order the wig next Saturday.


I love this video of Bella Thorne's sister.  She certainly could be pretty famous, maybe even Johnny Depp material, which isn't saying much as far as broadcasting is concerned, take for instance Brad Pitt or Leo DC.


Bella Thorne

I like how she's treated with such respect.  I feel sorry for the guy who compared to me is older, as well, looks like the guy who's interviewed Tim Burton.

Acting Auditions

That big organization from Orlando. Mid-June! In Tampa. Gotta get ready, too late for Finding Dory.. :( Not sure @ Pirates of the Caribbean.
Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T


Sorry, Ellen, for my risque speaking.

How else should I say..


I guess Ellen never jokes about certain negative things.  I was upset and said she was m********ing in pleasure but didn't mean it in her face, just as a teaser, but I guess no one wants to ever tease.  I could have taken it down, even, but I thought they wanted to leave history behind so they could make fun of me and not talk to me.  Also, maybe, something worse would happen, maybe Ellen wishes people would forget about what I said even if they read it.  Anyway, it's not up anymore.  And I obviously was joking about the term, as well.  As I said, this is an apology.  I'm sure I've apologized already, too.

Kids Born in the Late 80s Think

we're simply mistakes, they can fix ^it all^.

I think I'm gonna go with this.

Ellen DeGeneres thinks we're the wrong kind of ^present^.  She likes people who are younger and more affluent.  Unless they're the same generation as her or there to give her a tickle or such as a parental aged figure.


What do you think about people joking around and getting close to me leaving concrete symbols calling me a nigger and threatening what they'll treat my kids like-  (not looking for a boyfriend|husband, not having kids now.)

and some cold gold OJ


I'm eating cooked navy beans with salt.

In case you didn't hear.. that video of "Let It Go," I am most like the French-Canadian.  I seem to have lost it..



What I Found

People will see someone and be like wow but me no I'm 1/2 Chinese I can't amount to anything in this world.


Why did Ellen seem so mad that you people set up something like a pizza club nearby for me to go to, she kept threatening you guys to pull me away from her.  I thought she had invited people to watch her show.  Not sure what was so angering her, but she seemed so downcast.  The point was still that she doesn't really want me to watch all the time and might pull away times.  Fridays she's free and doesn't want to spill into the weekend.  I can watch though in my room.  I mean, maybe that's the day I don't watch unless I feel okay or so she can feel a time when someone like me is not watching cuz she is so attentive..  I have a feeling it's something a bit different.  I wonder exactly why, just that I've had enough of her attention? so don't watch then?  I tried to occupy myself otherwise but still catch the show like I would any show.  I tried to get in a movie, tried to go to school.  Still trying to keep up but not be like inserting myself online all day like doing nothing.


Maybe, they wanted my hair white to suck up to them.


Ellen is more masculine but can still act like a girl, but to me she's incredibly hissy about her white hair as a child all the time.

I had white hair a little once, but then I guess my parents "made my hair black."


In that video I posted, I looked most French-Canadian, but Tim Burton cut me off and stole my goods.  I want it back.  I'm in Orlando.  Maybe for too long.  I'm trying to get in a movie.


I was thinking about how much I loved my dad and how he's busy, but I thought I would be got at for feeling something good about myself while others don't-!



They are referring to me being ugly while still in school.


I think Ellen wants me to do something, but I already said sorry and it was something that no one else puts up with.  She was mad at me from the start.

She wants me to always feel guilty cuz when I stop acting bad she thinks something was wrong with me and doesn't know why I was upset - cuz I think I have a right to do what I want and wasn't starting anything, merely talking about what others always do, nothing much else to talk about that comes to mind.  Oh look a fish!  What?


I can't go through life like this, always feeling wrong and Ellen always feeling right, though she should feel right, herself!


I still feel stimulated but in a wrong way.


I'd like to record "Love, I Hear" from "A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum." What should do? Thanks.


Why is it worth it to insult me and give me something to talk about?  Someone said no one I like is available to touch me, bleh.  I don't want people I like even less touching me instead that I would not allow.  This was not like this before.  You think I'm some ragged type of hermit.


Why did some men like on MySpace try to get too close to me when it's no?


It's hard to sing.


Is it just me or did my neighbor just stimulate me?  I'm singing in the garage..  Central Florida is annoying.  You are not welcome to r*** me, whatever that means to you..

Acting Like a Kid

What do you think of people like Johnny Depp and the English taking the glory young adults today are supposed to take?  No offense, just saying..  I mean that people don't seem to react anymore to that stuff, like it's over with for anyone like we're too old when we're much younger.


My dad has always been a bit differentiated from me and my demeanor and ruined my chance with Ellen, mirroring her.

It's not all bad.  I'm just saying.  I'm sure it's not perfect and not a success.

You all are so weird.

You think I will never amount to Ellen but Nell Burton amounts to more than me.


I feel I've dropped and the casting agencies won't pick me up.



OK New Topic

Is Ellen wrong?  No, she is right.  Some people just say you don't deserve her, but we all sense we do.  We watch as a group and we talk.  We compete for her attention online and try to get on her show if possible..

Good Things @ Ellen


What You Don't Even Understand

I was only upset at people being mean to me via watching me in private, the experiment.  I didn't do anything nasty|disgusting.  I just cursed out of anger and not usually at all at anyone.  I don't know what some people are smoking.

1st you, why, and, then, you..

1st, you ignore it.
Then, you detach it.

Eventually, you will be able to embrace it.


end of About Me


..know that feeling we all get we wanna get away from someone after they've touched us??

My Belief

Ellen is abnormal because of certain people.

It's okay.

Some people here I don't wanna communicate with much.


I don't wanna feel more just because I said that.  I don't like how this method is used to make me feel worse.


..I tried to get rid of it.

I mean..'s okay, but it made me ask a question.

What I Do

I do not need to be touched when certain people are present.


So, the people in here made me feel touched, and I don't like it - it's inappropriate.  I don't allow myself to be felt up by some people.

So, Ellen thinks I'm not really that impressive.  Well, okay..  I write what I write.  She posts twangy stuff.  Notice how much it's about her and not you cuz you aren't ready.  You'd better hurry up.

I support you!

I will be a good citizen online and post videos of me talking and nice pictures.  My mom is probably getting me a wig today!  So, I'll see everyone in a week or so?

I tried making and participating in a forum of you, too.

Another regiment for my physical and mental well-being is jogging each day and taking vitamins.  I seem to have slipped in that way.

All the best for you!

OK, ya'll, xoxo!


I lost my chance with Ellen, being on her positive radar, but then again maybe something happened to her when I lost it.

I'm so sad, you see it happened after Frankenweenie and something had come over me, but just notice.

I got the idea she was dying and aging.  So sad.  I don't know what to depend on.. I mean, if Ellen is getting old, so are other people, just not me.  I am a bit old, I must admit, more like 30.  I think I can do this.  What about how she didn't want me to necessarily watch Fridays to have a break?  Makes sense, but it's a revolving joke that was affected by others.  It may even be detrimental.  People want to do something to me, to hurt me.  I dunno.. what should I do?  I deserve to be an actress.  It's just I'm still growing my hair.  4 months?  When the show starts up, my hair will be long, again.

I feel threatened that my dad could get her show canceled, or she may decide to change her mind.  I just heard something.  Let's not let this happen.  All I did was I was able to ignore insults, I didn't do anything, and now this.  I also want to ignore stuff that would gray my hair.  I'm beginning to feel suicidal.  My dad is a bit older and acts like he's younger in some ways than these attractive adults born around 1960.  No one else, neither, will seem to get together with me.  I gotta look for stuff to do, like the library, ballroom dancing.  I have my Mad Cow audition the beginning of May, where I sing to do something during the school year.  I did feel drained of future kids getting the blue beta at Wal-Mart as I wandered around and feel my dad is skittish about how I can give it away.  We have to go on a Saturday.  I'll have to ask to make sure of it again.  Who knows, maybe we'll go another time.  I got a fish cuz I felt like I was settled, but I'm not settled to the fish.  I feel so blamed like I don't deserve to give it away.  I want another pet now that I wanna give away later maybe.  Maybe a bird.  I heard they are noisy at night, but so was that female hamster.  I feel my life is not okay, yet.  Ellen is about other people, so don't say no it's not about you all, it's about Ellen.  That's just fluff.  I mean it is about her but not in a certain way.  There are lots of young people on her show.  I wonder if she will quit because there aren't many young stars.  I am trying to get there.  I feel lazy, like I have no impetus to work out.  I go to the gym and swim with my dad lie 3 days a week for like 30 minutes.  I'm trying to jog each day.  I miss calling my Gramma, but I am so overwhelmed by how inactive I am and like how people like Ellen can >come and go< because it is sad and I have to cope.  I think she made herself clear the only way she'd disappear is by death.  I haven't been mean to her lately, seems I had coughed up a couple furballs and found she was tracking me.  Seems too late!!  Before, I hadn't talked about her much at home.  My blogs weren't as bad as I thought before.  I think I got mad but it was at no one or more comfortable to my dad.. I didn't get gross, but I did curse and say *beep*.  I don't wanna pay for it because I mean what.. I've explained and apologized.  I already had enough to worry about online.  I was never set up right for the internet.  My friends made me jealous on MySpace and I lost my friends by spam and being upset but not like grossly nasty.  You might call it precisely that, though.  It just wasn't right and was cuza the world changing because of Johnny Depp as like Willy Wonka or being hoarded after in Pirates of the Caribbean, which I had not seen before.  Ellen left on an unsettled note, I felt, but I trust in her in like if her show stops like that she still exists and people will tell us about her and maybe she will still be able to be publicized.  She is much younger than Jay who just retired, so, but she seems she's done it so much like that something should be different.  She doesn't seem to wanna meet just anyone, but she's with Portia.  What can we do?  Maybe, we have to change our ways, but we're cool, right?


Am I eligible?

I want to be a talk show host like Ellen DeGeneres and a movie actress maybe to start.

So, I want to do General Broadcasting.  I have 1 semester where I should have had withdrawals, but instead it's all F's.  The rest however is above a 4.0.  The bad semester was at Valencia.  I might be able to get the grades withdrawn, but it's hard to convince them I was not well.  I was told to go on a break and I took 18 hours online and didn't finish and for some reason was confused and didn't withdraw.  I was told just to tell my story.  Anyway, I have like 50 hours of a 3.0 like the requirements said.  So, I was wondering more if this program would meet my needs or what program would.  For instance, I also wanna be a classical singer and sing just on my own though used to be a music major.  I don't wanna major in Theater cuz I don't wanna act on stage and that's what its sentiment is.  I know Communications is for people to host on TV.  At my college they had a major called Communications + Theater, so I assume my wish to be an actor also will be helped.  I don't know if it would make sense to minor in Film or not with such a busy schedule.  I just found out that it allows room for a required minor so guess I'm all set!


Christina Barrett


Communications is listed as a Radio-TV major @ UCF - link:

+ required minor - Film!


I asked my mom to get the curly, red wig.  I have 2 blonde 1s, but they are lighter than I expected.


I added Czech-Jewish to my race.

Ellen DeGeneres

Why did she act so mad about me watching her show on Fridays?  She acted like you all have to go and get me to go out Fridays and my dad that it ruins his weekend if I watch Ellen DeGeneres then.  But she acted mad.  She seemed to be threatening looking at where her mom sits.

Last week I wasn't up for catching up on her show.  Johnny Depp was just on, and she even showed her dressed up long ago looking like Helena Bonham Carter, Tim Burton's girlfriend|partner, with 2 kids, like Depp, 1 boy 1 girl.

Also, yesterday, I realized I must have developed a small, delicate spine.

Anyway, what of Ellen acting so upset about watching her show, like, so much?  I already have Saturday and Sunday and can double up a day watching her show, though I don't actually, a bit much now.  I think it was because of Ginny and taking her classes.  She's paranoid about me..  It doesn't make sense.  I thought people should only watch some of her shows if they lead busy schedules.  I don't have a busy schedule.

I'm getting another feeling of being mad at other people suffering around me certain ways they are, like it could be them and not me.It seems like it's not enough to miss some of her show when my life is not that busy. 

Supposedly, it's to prepare.  The thing really is I like the show and I seem to be getting on the ball with it and it's fun now.  She seemed daringly threatening that people pull me away from it.  I had finally found out a way that makes sense to be more normal and not as upset seeming around others.  It just hurts my feelings.  I set my mental clock up to do this again or in a way that fits my schedule finally.  I watch it either @ 3 or around 8.  It also is like my mom saying not to go to a bar after midnight nor maybe at all.  I do like to go to the mall but lately haven't and won't this week cuz we're using my money for 3 sets of clothes.  You know, I've thrown up when my spine hurt twice this week.  Also, Ellen and Burton have set up people to be close to me I don't want like that just because I liked them so much..  My dad does not seem to want me to reserve fun time.  It's probably a joke.  They don't even care about me having fun.  You know, for college, I want to do Communications.  It's the best prep for acting.  I'll have to ask them about my plan.  Can you see Ellen acting supper upset about us being the same?  What "got into her" when Johnny Depp came?  Did she talk to Tim Burton?  If she bumps off a day like she bumped off her on Twitter on the weekend, what will she bump off next, nothing left like it?  In the end to say that she doesn't like me anymore and we can go our separate ways?  Why didn't my parents in some extent let me go my separate way?  I'm not listening to this, but if Ellen really wants that I'd do it.  I feel challenged and like I'm "shit."  What's the big deal if I watch the show 4 or 5 days??  I feel Johnny Depp called me "shit."  I forget what else exactly but that he thinks I'm not good enough for her.  It's just that I do have time to watch it and have nothing to do right now.  I made it a thing to watch all her shows.  I feel insulted for thinking it matters to her that I watch all the episodes.

I know it's not because she left Lousiana in the end, that's just a substitute reason that so happens to be.  Also, Helena Bonham Carter.. she acts like there's something against me that's okay with her.. What did I start, nothing?

She wants to be online more for younger people but is upset I'm there.  I wondered and she drew me in daily.  I don't like being treated like I'm "shit."  I want to know why.  She acted mad if I didn't always follow before rather than ever happy about a compliment.  I just wanted to give her a break, but everyone else follows her.  I feel that she is doing this for some reason, might be important, like she's getting old, though I wonder why that'd matter.  She's acting like my old friends and Nell Burton like making up a reason to get away from me.  I bet Johnny Depp did it, so I know it's not right.  He has a thing, and they make him have a thing.  It's also supposedly cuz I had a hard time and I go through it rather than like *** as a regiment.  It's the only way.  Why start bumping off days?  Her show is a daily experience.  What about before?  Why did she show off so much and act so show offy when she presented the idea at the end of her show?  She acted like she's been bad to do it as a token for Johnny Depp.  There does seem a difference between catching all 5 episodes a week than the 1st 4.  I feel there will be no explanation.

Ever since the incidents at school, I haven't been able to leave the house after 11 nor go a ways when it's dark.  Said I wanted to go dance at a bar and was not allowed late there at least.

I mean, though, she expressed her anger like I'm bad and can't do that and don't want to.  What happened?  I don't really believe it.  I don't think it matters.  She doesn't have to think about people watching her every day.. she thinks I' did it like I was homeless and wouldn't have her on schedule later.  I'm just volunteering at the SPCA for 4 hours a week for 2 months, hopefully 2 hours 2 days.  It's to prepare for working somewhere that suits me.  I go to a social group 1 1/2 hours a week now.  I could go to another for an hour.

Ellen was acting so strange like it was all about her, too, like she was mad.  Like she was stimulated thrashing around.  Like she was doing it for "who she really likes."  Why not talk about that rather than do something like take it out on me when you're mad?!  She took out stuff on me, an innocent person, from the start.  Things got better, and she got upset.  I never was really guilty to begin with.  She's just ^special^ no harm intended.  It's like they all met together and did this, so I will not listen.  This is for Ellen!  I was upset at how others were acting about things I did by accident and the like.  They are not to be upset.. but they've changed how things are.  I want that kinda stuff outta the way.  You can't plague me like that.  This is not an okay pattern.  You can't tell me what to do.  You don't know what you're doing.  I don't believe in playing around with me like that.

Ugh.. I need breakfast methinks soon.  Nothing cooking, will make a smoothie.

I threw up all my supper and maybe more yesterday.  It helped my spine to stop hurting.  It didn't tingle and hurt as much a before when I threw up.

I don't believe in playing around disciplining me to make others happy when I'm good and they weren't!

Why can't Ellen seem to ask in a nicer way?  I don't like her changed feelings to make up for when she was mean to me and I posted it.  What, you just don't like curse words cuz I have a right to use them?  I don't think they mean anything bad.  I just found that people -don't-want-us-to-use-them- like they can once in awhile and it's okay then, those olderladoes.  She didn't get mad before, waited until I could take it.  Well, I don't take it.  I've somehow learned that I should ignore it and things in general, but I don't need to be taught any lesson to do it.  I just need an idea.  That's why I have a blog to comment on.  No one is too good for a good blog like that.. though most of it talks about bad problems.  I think Ellen just doesn't like me.  Maybe, I need to start over.

So, what of this?  I am not getting much help online.  I am still watching cuz I think she's kidding, and I don't listen to constant kidding..  She seemed like she meant it in a bad way.  I think it doesn't matter, and I'll have to see what happens to see if it's real and serious.  Cuz I can't just listen if I know it's a secret stimulating punishment again cuz they all are doing that and it ain't right.  It does form a pattern because it could.  My life is dwindling away?  Well, I still am alive.  I also got wind she is getting too old and this would help.  She looked at me funny and longingly like I should go, like showing off what her mama allows her to do in the world and what I can't even.  Acting all like she feels something so much about letting me go, so longingly, and like sorta acting out.  How would what she does make me feel?  Do you want to listen to annoying things all the time for watching the show?  This is upsetting.  Supposedly, she did this for my dad and now it's done.  I already spend time with my dad.  I know that's just a joke.  I think it's just a punishment.  What do I do up alone in my room?  I watch the show.  I have no money and no car, so I can't step out, which I think it would be a curse.  It really doesn't make sense to someone in some teen.  So yea it just makes me sad the way it's done.  It is the feeling of a punishment, the asking.  But she used to act like I should always watch it and follow her.  I just got in the regiment.  What if she takes off another day?  Like when I work?  I'll be working part time.  I don't know if that's a punishment, neither.  I could get a school loan, but I hope for both.  I don't wanna miss Ellen, what if she goes off the air?  I was not made for too much work as a joke. I mean, I still have time now.  It'll be summer, and she'll be off.  Maybe, she wants to joke around without me.  I still think it was just for Depp and Burton.  I don't take that.  You can't control me.  I am popular enough that they can't do that.  That's just silly, the nature of them.  I will not listen if that's Burton! nor Depp!  I think Ellen wants me to watch still, goes faster, so I will.  You can't hurt us.  When I work, I may take a day off who knows but hope not.  I would watch something else, instead, which I do sometimes and like while I'm online or going to bed.

At least, I care about this, seeing how much I wrote.  This incident put with Depp and Burton.  My take is Ellen did it for them and thought it'd come up cuz Depp and Burton are mean to me and think I'm Chinese "crap."  They think I'm "not in."  Well, I got the day to set myself up again online I guess.  :-|

Saturday, April 12, 2014


may or may not post

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Getting This, Too



My dad hates me racially, why can he sit there and be mean to me?  He's suggesting things because of Tim Burton's spiel, though I support him still.


It hurts my feelings when you disapprove of my dad.  You want him to be deranged and touchy feely.  We have to keep him healthy.  Pills have side-effects..  Don't worry about it, please.  This is an interesting post.  You disapprove of my dad, people.  That hurts my feelings.  You think he should be worse, and you don't give him a chance to open up and be emotional.  You shouldn't talk about it so carelessly.  What comes to mind??


She's there with her mechanized past telling us we aren't as good and she's just sitting in her chair like she's had a perfect past and our lives are never as good as we think and never better around her in a way or in some ways.


Why did Ellen lead a better life than us?

Hypnosis Pleasure

Someone could force you to act like you think something, but it's not possible.

I don't need this.

I don't need this. All I can talk about is that it's wrong.


Everyone is annoying me cuza that Ellen.


People won't stop provoking me to be had and wanna h*** them for not being perfect, like in looks.

My dad pretended to create a daughter for me and said, "Make it European."

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Ooh Scary

Today, my dad was acting scared when I acted like the Willy Brothers in Home on the Range from 2003-4.  I guess this is it!


Sorry for being so blunt about some people who were acting rather interestingly uppity.

A Whole New World - Topic

I notice that people who are older than me demonstrate liking people my dad's age, born 1950, as a dad.  I know that some age of guys really stimulates them.  I think it's arousing because the people born 10 years later are best.  I think though that people 5 years older [than me] are young enough to have someone Ellen DeGeneres's age as their mom.

Chopin - I mean Shopping.

I am gonna get 3 sets of clothes, I think I said, black tights and 3 3/4 shirts I found. Next week, I can get the new book by Jane Fonda on what it's like being a teen or younger teen maybe, even like for me it was preteen..

Was that okay?

I said getting a kick outta something?  More satisfaction in teaching someone a lesson?

"The Ellen DeGeneres Show"

Johnny Depp was on the show this time.  I found him to really be on it.  He seemed more positive and less depressed than Ellen DeGeneres.  I want to post to help myself and to others out.  However, I noticed Ellen DeGeneres likes to be like a baby, like no this is this and that is that.  She used to be able to not do that.  I came to the conclusion that Ellen DeGeneres does not give young people who look good a hard time, like age 17.  I'm 27, not 15 or 16.  In saying "a hard time" I mean like with me she often says no to a lot of things for no reason.  She seems to be demonstrating herself to what the teens should follow of her, yet she doesn't really care as much about them supposedly because she might get more a kick outta sad to say quitting the show, though she also might want some sort of relief as in rest.  I only hope that she could like take off a year and see how old she really feels.

My Belief

A friend is not someone who lets your body be ruined and makes you uncomfortable all day long.  There is always some excuse, but I don't live that way.  I think it religiously wrong.  Sometimes, I don't think there really is a reason.  I know other people don't get hurt just because no one hurts them.




If people were always picking at you like to start would you listen on the inside?  What about people thinking they can actually damage you by making a certain style of noise next time they make 1?  Psyching you as trash and death, like you never mattered?


You pretend to be mean to me when something is wrong to you and claim that it was just to say something.


You should not really be prowling me out for my language in the 1st place.  No one is close to me in my life. No one ever helped me out.

I meant..

..not many different things.

Nothing could make me more mad than..

..someone doing something cuz I thought of something inappropriate and to go overload in my brain.

Can someone explain

why Simon Cowell is acting like Ellen DeGeneres cuz it makes it seem tacky?  I only want what's best for him, that's all.  How could Ellen do this?  It's not right.  I think she wants me to chase him.  For some reason I don't know, I don't see it happening like this.  All I can say is he's Jewish.  :-|  I just mean I don't think he should act tacky so someone will chase him.  So, in essence, there's something bigger going on here.  I never stepped up and said I was better than Ellen, and I don't think that way.


You can't just get mad at me for my health.  I'm working on it!

If I had a better setup, I would have 0 problems.  Now, that's a fact to behold.  I am connected to those uncomfortable with me.



Sorry for my reaction to Ellen, but you think you can speak for her that I not watch the show when I'm makin' it.


I thought people down South had enough of themselves. LOL but sorry.


For people I said weird things to like brat, even if I didn't say who.

What Bothers Me @ Ellen

Like, a teenager will act all-knowing over me but still like they're so much younger, and Ellen makes a big deal of it like ooh.. you think such and such.. well, and yes.


Sorry, if a bad thought comes up that you don't like, but some things just happen I think, too.  They don't mean what you want to think!


In your deluded world, you think you can say whatever you want, like ooh I'm uncomfortable with something that's for Christina so I'm gonna make a move and do something like Christina is the 1 who doesn't know what she's doing and I'm insulted by her supposed success.

And for some reason a lotta people hold grudges against me.  Things hare not happy, they don't care about things and think someone said not to do them cuz that's what they wanna hear.  Now, you tell me to bow down to those younger than me all the time?


No one agrees. She just did that in case or because she sends messages, too.

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I forget the address! Gotta change it!
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Graying My Hair

I said I was ignoring the insults. Ellen sent the message suggesting skipping her Friday show.

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Is Ellen taking away from my opportunity in life?

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So, Friday's the easy day, the cutoff day, the 1 where it's just fun.  Ellen was having fun.  I think we should still watch Friday?


Getting Mad @ Ellen?

I only did that in my head when it came, I don't like to do that.  I claim not to be vicious about people.  I do that sometimes when I see them cuz they are annoying me.  I try to ignore those things now.  It can make you old, and so can worrying about things like this, like if Ellen wants me to watch Friday.  I think she does, but I mean she can speak to whatever crowd she likes!  I know there's a reason I'm feeling ticky LOL.

Ellen's Problem

I just had a revelation that with kids my age it's when they wanna act like she's older, like they want things that kids want with older parents, like ooh I am the Lion King king and I'm all rowdy and nothing should look pretty.  I mean, come on, she looks like she's born in the late 60s or 70s and is there for people born then at the same time, like a parent!


Ever since moving to Orlando, my parents have been teaching me little secret messages like if I do this they do that.  Orlando's shit.  Also, I know you all don't wanna do this.  If you play that game proves you're a "moron."


Also, I keep feeling unsatisfied, like maybe me trying to m******** won't cease my torture.  I saw Nell Burton's mom, Helena Bonham Carter, using Nell as PDA and not being very, I dunno, like getting a grip on her completely.  I know why, it's cuz her dad in The Nightmare Before Christmas had Jack go up on the hill and not make it his peak moment.  This has gone on a long time, and it's like following these things like a journal in my life.


I tried to sign into Twitter on Internet Browser and had to type in the password and it didn't work.

It does hurt me..

..@ watching on Fridays.  I think I even was told that that was a joke.  Now, that person watching will make fun of me for saying oh it's just a joke!  That's not what's important.  It's what the message was cuz if Ellen doesn't want me to watch Fridays, I mean it's her show.  Also, I got a wasteful message about me and Lily Depp watching over Nell like we're fascinated she's younger.  It doesn't work that way.  You judge by who they are.  You didn't say it in a nice way.  It was an annoying way like you said I would meditate on my cousin as spoiled or even at all! in a way that makes me look bad.  I don't feel ways like that, bad ways.  You guys all just keep bothering me, and it's like there was nothing to do most of the time.


Ellen doesn't like me.  I just had to transfer my blog today to a browser where I have to go in and edit something each time.  It's been awhile this time, too.  Ellen did it, she can't get mad and do weird things because of it.  I got wind I "can't watch" Fridays "cuza my dad" wanting weird things, too.

She keeps sending me insulting secret messages.  She started doing it on the show.  How is that okay?  I am nice to her.  I was just mad at the insults!  Someone else mighta done it.  If you know she did it, why don't you say something?  Why doesn't she?  I'm being ignored like I'm just a machine.  It makes me feel bad.  Other people have irritated me, as well, and it makes me wanna like squirm around in some way or hit something or h*** someone, often the 1 who did it.  Ellen says it's important to know she did it.  What is the point in that?  She also claimed it was cuz I was born when she wasn't 32 yet.  She thinks they shoulda waited, and I think she shoulda, too.  This person is not liking watching me and keeps saving the message like I'm not good enough if Ellen wants to read it.  Essentially, I don't care if she reads it, I wouldn't go berserk.  I wish my blog were something that people would wanna read.

Also, my eyes I've been playing with, and SHE is uneasey and playing them back to not be as pretty.  These are my eyes, and she said not to watch Fridays!  She didn't literally, but I am still gonna cuz I think she's kidding around with a vague message.  Supposedly, it's cuz my dad wants me on the weekend, but I'm too old to be in his own tutelage.  I am free to live in the world, whether it's working nights or weekends.


It hit me that I have a problem with anyone punishing me for cursing about being annoyed by the noises in my room.

Friday, April 11, 2014


For being suggestive @ birth year so outright.

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Sorry I was upset, things always changing.

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may or may not post

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Someone's Up on Twitter

That's not the answer to the question.  I know she's thinking about it.  Maybe she has an issue..


You all were mean to me, so I don't care what you think is right.  I was just feeling better, and you always do something.

I'm just saying the truth.  You set me up for loneliness.  I know you said that for no reason, I was enjoying the show.  Simply put.  Time to put this on IMDb.


If someone said, "Ellen said not to watch on Fridays" and then "because.." I'd be like fine.  At least I have 10 more episodes of another show to look forward to on Sundays.  But if it's like this, I mean.. I guess I should watch the show like everyone else is allowed to.  I will not listen otherwise because also you imply I wanna see my dad so much more when I already live with him but in a sick message.


She used to be upset if we didn't watch it all.  I feel it is just something that came out that I have to overcome.  My parents and her started being mean to me.  Why does she like me less now, also?  I am kinda getting better.  Why 3 days w/o watching the show now?  I like her, but I mean, I don't feel welcome..


Does Ellen really want me to stop but not others?  Why?  What?  That's really weird and feels like not enough of watching her show as a person in the world with a TV who likes her show a lot!  If she wants to do it differently of course should be fine.  I just feel she likes me less.  So, I'll watch.  I kinda miss how things were in a way and wish things were looking up for me.  No agency has contacted me.


I want MY week, not 3 days farting @ with dad.  It's 4 1/2 days of the week I watch daytime TV.

Well, yes, I like having fun with my dad part of the weekend and it was fun when we used to see 2 movies more often and I recorded it when MySpace had a space.


I wasn't constantly bashing Ellen, but people try to pry me away from watching and enjoying the show apparently.

I just was wondering about the constant insults and had to include that it was supposedly via her decision.

I feel the experience has been soaked away.  You can't just keep me from watching a TV show I like that's good.


I don't like secret messages like that.  I think I am supposed to watch the show every day..?  Why get so mad at me?  What's gonna happen on Fridays?  Is it for the kids's weekends?  What about me??  It's a public TV show.  Friday must be a good day.  You know, she used to post more on Twitter.  She really has something over me.  Everyone tries to protect her like she's more of a lady.  I wonder how they manage.

It's just a mixed message because of someone onboard this shit experience.  I've already said this experience is shit.  It's not safe, obviously not fullproof.  No one says maybe you shouldn't watch my show I dunno on Fridays via symbols in communication and never saying it.  That's a way to do something in secret.  I will continue to watch the show if I don't know otherwise.


What if my dad made my female baby part turn off like it's old?  Why are people so mean to me?  This isn't fair.  They're acting like I'm a robot.  I've been trying not to feel stress so much lately, so not sure what happened.


My dad was beating me up with grunts and squeaks about not watching Ellen on Fridays so he can enjoy the weekend and so Ellen can have a break from me seeing her.  She wants to disconnect from me cuz it was just for my dad, but all I get in the argument is grunts and squeaks.  I wasn't able to see her show all the time recently, and now I miss it more.  I'm not responsible for what she choses to see online.

What I'm Doing With My Money

I will use it for food, clothes, necessities, and, if I have extra, fun stuff.  I am gonna eat out like @ Panera.  I'm worried, at this point, about getting cancer.  Diabetes-I probably already have it.



Amira Willighagen - Nessun Dorma

I posted this yesterday.  I think this is the best.



I folded a basket of laundry from last week.

I have some things still hanging.

I ironed 2 loads of things hanging.

I have been washing 2 loads.

Later, the dishes, wanna watch "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."  I'm showered but need to change and put on makeup.  Was gonna go outside.

I'm upset, yea, because things aren't going smoothly|right, but I cooled down, did not mean anything, just kinda like I said felt totally cornered.  So, I just seethed I guess and finally figured I could post what was wrong later to like figure it out and let people know something that might be important for me.

Sorry for any of the bad things that came to my mind, maybe just 2 concrete things I didn't formulate on purpose.  I figure since I started cursing @ the noises I heard no one likes me, but I can find people in the outcasts.

Slove Singing

She sounds beautiful.

I should be busy working.

I feel so downtrodden.


Why does everyone who meets my mom have a fit and not wanna like me even though in some ways I'm better?  They don't even know how much she's a lie to me, acting like I'm a flawed part of my dad..


My dad just pokes at me and irritates me giving me a feeling of wanting to hit and throw and break things.


They assimilated 2 people in a certain way, I think.


They went unnecessarily further into something just because I posted about something they dipped in.


Sorry if I hurt your feelings.


I feel I am being terrorized until I really am damaged.  That's when I pick up and walk away.  Things cannot linger like this since coming home from college just because I flunked to get out.


Why do people close me up to people in ways I don't like?  Then, they say it's something I did.  That's something that's hard to fix.  I feel turned off and not good.  No one does that.  I can already feel the stress triggers like all about.  It's a real message, not just some thing to overcome and live through.  This is my life.  Why should I give in for a new 1?  How have I lived a proper life?  You all always bug me about that I don't live life.

Thursday, April 10, 2014



I felt outta control in my dad's care, especially keeping it inside, do not mean it.

I am trying to get out of my problem and ignore things.


The UFO crashed 1850 in Baton Rouge, LA.  Red, the size of a house, by a President and his assistant.  I think it got up after crashing.  It hovered above them.

Check this out.

1965 blackout in Pennsylvania.

Picture I Drew Yesterday


Alien show.

1965.  They show how much the adults care @ the little kids then.  UFOs, people working with machines.  Black and white!


I just finished watching "The Ellen DeGeneres Show."

I am so uptight @ Johnny Depp coming tomorrow.


..what I said wasn't supposed to mean something obvious so wasn't bad.  Not a good idea, though.

Nell Burton

I always admired her and was interested in her from about the beginning.  Later, something happened, people thought I wanted to say something mean about her.  People were spying on me, things changed.  I was to blame, all the earth had heard of my shame.  I felt disdain and in much pain.  I could not help my past bitterness at the situation.

I was wondering your opinion on her - link.  She is just a nice girl, dunno why people go extra measures to instill feelings otherwise.


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Mister Cellophane

Why are these annoying people always noticing me? What's going on?
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My YouTube has done this before, but it got out of sync. This is rather disheartening.
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You are so worried you're wrong you do something bad to me. That older lady sounded like she said, "I'll be in on May." I just didn't like them being mean. You try to get me stimulated by bad things. You smile @ it. My life is worthless cuza you. You all think you ^have^ to be mad @ me. I almost think my birthday with Mom all May @ all the Disney parks is part of a joke your your idealizational punishment. My therapist said hi and I had earbuds and spoke low.. :( Was nice, otherwise.
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How long will she like singing like this?

You'd hope someone like her would be multi-talented in the arts using their talents.  I did that.  I really wanna be a movie actress.  That's why I lost my voice.  You know, ice skating to music helps.  Being active retains the voice.

Sad Mad Bad Fad Rad Tad

I am so mad.  I used to be able to sing like this little girl.

A Shout Out

I must apologize if you ran into certain immature post..  Take it as you will.

What a Big Thing for Us Parents

Think of the difference between Jackie Evancho and Amira Willighagen.

Amira Willighangen

Jackie Evancho

Jackie Evancho makes herself look like the generation of my age, but Amira Willighagen - she is a fresh new face of a fresh new generation, perhaps Generation Beta.  There is Generation Alpha as Jackie Evancho's generation.

It certainly is pleasant to hear someone that young sing.  I could sing as good as her.  I recently found I could sing okay still.  I'm not sure what to do, it probably isn't always okay anymore but used to be really good.

Defining Myself

I care @ others and how I act, but people sit on their hineys (butts) and dictate to me to do this and do that, like I need to make myself feel unattractive in order to foil (make others look good by yourself looking worse..) others!  I want to get it over with so I can have fun like everyone else, if that isn't too mean.
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My Facebook slid down and up so I saw it below 1st.  I used to live in Slidell.


By this last photo by someone else I saw 2 little shriveled babies hugging each other.  This person calls out on her generation as a certain style, but you aren't even considering how old my mom is and I'm not supposed to tell.


2 Boiled Eggs


This person is trying to mess with me, saying something big for me is nothing.  She thinks that I am wrong in how I feel about her sister, who is also listed as #1 on my Twitter.


You can't get mad at me for not being like someone who just sits there and does nothing but smile and answer the simple questions.  You think maybe you can point at my race, but here I am talking.  I'm not a monster.  Who knows who could be a monster?!  I don't seem to be.  You think that this person in my past was fine and I have the problem for talking about them.  Anyone would know that if I told them, but I was more patient in their presence and they simply stole all the attention.  You think I have attention now, but this person really was a problem for me in some way I've mentioned or something.  I remember people got mad at this person a lot.  Anyway, you are bringing it up just because of something I said and did not say how it was related to what I said, which seems to be true.  You just want me to have to deal with this, and what I deal with is like not needed to be dealt with.  You simply decided I was bad and the other person was good and bothered me.  Now, you think "I admitted it."  I said I don't agree, and it's about me.  I almost pressed something and now this thing keeps loading by it, and it reminds me of someone or something.


I don't want my blog to be filled with this, but I don't like these messages.  They are mean, did you forget?  And they are threats to my well-being.

More Messages

I said something and now they wanna trade places with someone @ me moving to the New Orleans area.  How *beep* is that?!  What I said I didn't mean anything that was bad.  It was about something bad.  You simply took it in stride and are wasting my blog space.  Then I got another message that someone wouldn't do something for me, like I'm a spoiled brat.  They just randomly say anything.  They have no right to spy on my and limit my options.  They are also joking that someone was never mean to me when they were a lot.  They like looked at me with a smile @ it.  I wasn't even the 1 being mad at this person in their face.  This person fought with me more recently in our relationship, at least twice, since I've been older.  This person always finds a way to get in trouble, and they mirror it to my situation, and that is far from the truth.  I got very little attention.

They won't stop bothering me.  Now, they said what does ^some number^ mean?  Like, I get less of something.  They are making me wanna hit something.  I think this is illegal.  You should stop or let me hit something.  They will get worse if I do, and it will put strain on me.  I tried to ignore it, but this is gone too far.  They just made it worse as I tried to mind my business.

They just said that a boy from England is like my opposite brother, and I care @ him.

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Bring Back the Past

I will just consider that we are still in the same world and your precious teenagers are spoiled brats?  Remember, they just act up and pretend so much that the world holds no depth.  You're very wrong, I don't care how young your parents are.

No, I am not as tight as some, but I think I was affected with that.  I'm getting messages that I'm silly to think this and that silly should be applied to you in a different way.  I guess your teens are all in place.  I do care and want you off having fun.  I wish not to be mutilated.  I assume I came that way, but no one is talking to me telling me how to make things better and tapping into things.  I just got 2 new Twitters and am adding more people, so maybe things will start to mean something great for me, again.

Being Rude

You know, you guys being rude just to me doesn't prove anything good about you.

Like you act all assured in a goofy off-centered manner.

Why would anyone care about me having a hard thought?  Do you think I need this?  Isn't there anything to do for people?  I do wanna be famous but not like this.

About the Tickle

The reason it bothered me was cuz it seemed rehashed and against me.  I think it's a beautiful thing.  I just feel I don't even have a chance to be the age that I am.

Here's a more fun topic.

What is the idea that people already know me?  I didn't present myself that way.  I'm being careful now with pictures I post.  They think I am out.  They make fun of my features and get antsy and ^make^ others better than me saying it's ^because I did something^.  How did this happen?

Fair and Unfair

I was thinking of how tickled someone was by someone who copied me and act like they know everything @ places like the New Orleans area and for some reason deserve to be so tickled.  I hate being made fun of for that.  I don't think you just machine it out like it needs to be done, and I don't do it to get down and get it outta the way.

I just think of their inner tickle for people who could be their kids.  I don't know why you make someone to top me.  That's like making a manufactured good.  There's another tickle thought, no harm intended to any person.  I'm touching on what is and not making things up about someone.

That just so frustrates me, I am not really loved, I am flawed.  I am flawed because of things like age and my parents, and that is not right and you cannot say someone is over me just for the tickle, but I guess you can then.

Something came over me.

Hoping to Compensate for My Actions

I explained why I said what I said, and I'm sorry to say you misinterpreted and figured it was inappropriate for pointedly me and also like at this time especially.  I meant what I meant, I don't mean very inappropriate things.  I did say it possibly a few times.

You know, most people speak along the lines of this suggestion when they speak of this person or, as the person ^likes^, this "case."  I am sorry if it is not good for her, I assume it's something you'll wanna just be over with.

This is the sorta thing that people don't really care to discuss, as well.  It is suggestive and makes a mark.  I just figured this would help, to think @ my actions and apologize more, if possible.  It seemed best to nail down, but I recently learned not to follow my gut instincts.  So, forget @ it.. and I am very sorry.  I hope I sound sincere.  I realize I should just live my life and be happy and not get hung up in things.  I figured that at dinner, last night, in fact, strangely enough.

I feel pushed to feel submissive for it.  I do feel submissive in rank and stature, which seems to be something which may have been called for.  I do believe these people have a problem.  They seem to not wanna ever listen to me and not let me do anything, and then this comes up.  They do not wish to pay for their wrongs in society.  They want to think they are perfect and that people are jealous and wish they were them.  For reasons we do not wish upon them, this is untrue.  I mean, famous people have to be a way that people can think on without feeling surprised and shocked by the funny things you think they do.  Everyone is a mystery, you know.  We don't know.

I guess I will leave this relatively longer than most posts post here.  Yes, I can see I am improving in thought, but something came over me, as well, now.  I'll go ahead and post this.


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