Last week I wasn't up for catching up on her show. Johnny Depp was just on, and she even showed her dressed up long ago looking like Helena Bonham Carter, Tim Burton's girlfriend|partner, with 2 kids, like Depp, 1 boy 1 girl.
Also, yesterday, I realized I must have developed a small, delicate spine.
Anyway, what of Ellen acting so upset about watching her show, like, so much? I already have Saturday and Sunday and can double up a day watching her show, though I don't actually, a bit much now. I think it was because of Ginny and taking her classes. She's paranoid about me.. It doesn't make sense. I thought people should only watch some of her shows if they lead busy schedules. I don't have a busy schedule.
I'm getting another feeling of being mad at other people suffering around me certain ways they are, like it could be them and not me.It seems like it's not enough to miss some of her show when my life is not that busy.
Supposedly, it's to prepare. The thing really is I like the show and I seem to be getting on the ball with it and it's fun now. She seemed daringly threatening that people pull me away from it. I had finally found out a way that makes sense to be more normal and not as upset seeming around others. It just hurts my feelings. I set my mental clock up to do this again or in a way that fits my schedule finally. I watch it either @ 3 or around 8. It also is like my mom saying not to go to a bar after midnight nor maybe at all. I do like to go to the mall but lately haven't and won't this week cuz we're using my money for 3 sets of clothes. You know, I've thrown up when my spine hurt twice this week. Also, Ellen and Burton have set up people to be close to me I don't want like that just because I liked them so much.. My dad does not seem to want me to reserve fun time. It's probably a joke. They don't even care about me having fun. You know, for college, I want to do Communications. It's the best prep for acting. I'll have to ask them about my plan. Can you see Ellen acting supper upset about us being the same? What "got into her" when Johnny Depp came? Did she talk to Tim Burton? If she bumps off a day like she bumped off her on Twitter on the weekend, what will she bump off next, nothing left like it? In the end to say that she doesn't like me anymore and we can go our separate ways? Why didn't my parents in some extent let me go my separate way? I'm not listening to this, but if Ellen really wants that I'd do it. I feel challenged and like I'm "shit." What's the big deal if I watch the show 4 or 5 days?? I feel Johnny Depp called me "shit." I forget what else exactly but that he thinks I'm not good enough for her. It's just that I do have time to watch it and have nothing to do right now. I made it a thing to watch all her shows. I feel insulted for thinking it matters to her that I watch all the episodes.
I know it's not because she left Lousiana in the end, that's just a substitute reason that so happens to be. Also, Helena Bonham Carter.. she acts like there's something against me that's okay with her.. What did I start, nothing?
She wants to be online more for younger people but is upset I'm there. I wondered and she drew me in daily. I don't like being treated like I'm "shit." I want to know why. She acted mad if I didn't always follow before rather than ever happy about a compliment. I just wanted to give her a break, but everyone else follows her. I feel that she is doing this for some reason, might be important, like she's getting old, though I wonder why that'd matter. She's acting like my old friends and Nell Burton like making up a reason to get away from me. I bet Johnny Depp did it, so I know it's not right. He has a thing, and they make him have a thing. It's also supposedly cuz I had a hard time and I go through it rather than like *** as a regiment. It's the only way. Why start bumping off days? Her show is a daily experience. What about before? Why did she show off so much and act so show offy when she presented the idea at the end of her show? She acted like she's been bad to do it as a token for Johnny Depp. There does seem a difference between catching all 5 episodes a week than the 1st 4. I feel there will be no explanation.
Ever since the incidents at school, I haven't been able to leave the house after 11 nor go a ways when it's dark. Said I wanted to go dance at a bar and was not allowed late there at least.
I mean, though, she expressed her anger like I'm bad and can't do that and don't want to. What happened? I don't really believe it. I don't think it matters. She doesn't have to think about people watching her every day.. she thinks I' did it like I was homeless and wouldn't have her on schedule later. I'm just volunteering at the SPCA for 4 hours a week for 2 months, hopefully 2 hours 2 days. It's to prepare for working somewhere that suits me. I go to a social group 1 1/2 hours a week now. I could go to another for an hour.
Ellen was acting so strange like it was all about her, too, like she was mad. Like she was stimulated thrashing around. Like she was doing it for "who she really likes." Why not talk about that rather than do something like take it out on me when you're mad?! She took out stuff on me, an innocent person, from the start. Things got better, and she got upset. I never was really guilty to begin with. She's just ^special^ no harm intended. It's like they all met together and did this, so I will not listen. This is for Ellen! I was upset at how others were acting about things I did by accident and the like. They are not to be upset.. but they've changed how things are. I want that kinda stuff outta the way. You can't plague me like that. This is not an okay pattern. You can't tell me what to do. You don't know what you're doing. I don't believe in playing around with me like that.
Ugh.. I need breakfast methinks soon. Nothing cooking, will make a smoothie.
I threw up all my supper and maybe more yesterday. It helped my spine to stop hurting. It didn't tingle and hurt as much a before when I threw up.
I don't believe in playing around disciplining me to make others happy when I'm good and they weren't!
Why can't Ellen seem to ask in a nicer way? I don't like her changed feelings to make up for when she was mean to me and I posted it. What, you just don't like curse words cuz I have a right to use them? I don't think they mean anything bad. I just found that people -don't-want-us-to-use-them- like they can once in awhile and it's okay then, those olderladoes. She didn't get mad before, waited until I could take it. Well, I don't take it. I've somehow learned that I should ignore it and things in general, but I don't need to be taught any lesson to do it. I just need an idea. That's why I have a blog to comment on. No one is too good for a good blog like that.. though most of it talks about bad problems. I think Ellen just doesn't like me. Maybe, I need to start over.
So, what of this? I am not getting much help online. I am still watching cuz I think she's kidding, and I don't listen to constant kidding.. She seemed like she meant it in a bad way. I think it doesn't matter, and I'll have to see what happens to see if it's real and serious. Cuz I can't just listen if I know it's a secret stimulating punishment again cuz they all are doing that and it ain't right. It does form a pattern because it could. My life is dwindling away? Well, I still am alive. I also got wind she is getting too old and this would help. She looked at me funny and longingly like I should go, like showing off what her mama allows her to do in the world and what I can't even. Acting all like she feels something so much about letting me go, so longingly, and like sorta acting out. How would what she does make me feel? Do you want to listen to annoying things all the time for watching the show? This is upsetting. Supposedly, she did this for my dad and now it's done. I already spend time with my dad. I know that's just a joke. I think it's just a punishment. What do I do up alone in my room? I watch the show. I have no money and no car, so I can't step out, which I think it would be a curse. It really doesn't make sense to someone in general..like some teen. So yea it just makes me sad the way it's done. It is the feeling of a punishment, the asking. But she used to act like I should always watch it and follow her. I just got in the regiment. What if she takes off another day? Like when I work? I'll be working part time. I don't know if that's a punishment, neither. I could get a school loan, but I hope for both. I don't wanna miss Ellen, what if she goes off the air? I was not made for too much work as a joke. I mean, I still have time now. It'll be summer, and she'll be off. Maybe, she wants to joke around without me. I still think it was just for Depp and Burton. I don't take that. You can't control me. I am popular enough that they can't do that. That's just silly, the nature of them. I will not listen if that's Burton! nor Depp! I think Ellen wants me to watch still, goes faster, so I will. You can't hurt us. When I work, I may take a day off who knows but hope not. I would watch something else, instead, which I do sometimes and like while I'm online or going to bed.
At least, I care about this, seeing how much I wrote. This incident put with Depp and Burton. My take is Ellen did it for them and thought it'd come up cuz Depp and Burton are mean to me and think I'm Chinese "crap." They think I'm "not in." Well, I got the day to set myself up again online I guess. :-|
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